Some quotes from there and my comments:
A marriage is not an equal partnership, where a couple are looking constantly to ensure that everything is divided 50-50. That makes us calculative and mean, and reduces the marriage to a conditional clause: As long as he lives up to his end of the bargain, so will I.
Yes, it's not 50-50, equal effort. It's rather a mutual effort which is not on value but on percentage. So, as long as both partners expend roughly the same percentage of work into the marriage/relationship, it won't be a lopsided affair which leaves room for frustration and disappointment.
But I discovered that once I learned to obey him, it gave him a greater sense of responsibility, of wanting to take care of the family even more. In addition, when my children see that I obey him, they learn to obey him and respect him as a father.
This is the reason why relationships are better if wives submit to their husbands. During one of our cell group meetings, we were discussing off-topic about the issue of why guys make better bosses. The common response was that guys are cooler headed and are able to face situations without much feelings attached. Perhaps this is the reason. And when the wife submit to her husband, the husband can focus on doing what he can do better - supporting the family financially - because this is what guys are generally better at. But of course there are career women personalities which buck the traditional standpoint.
3 comments:
First, let's anchor ourselves firmly in reality. We are not living in an era where women have the "luxury" of staying at home and serving their massas.
Men need to stop focusing on the bygone era. No, more than that. They need to stop romanticising the past! Marriages were not better just because roles were clear cut! Marriages were not more loving and more stable because women submitted! Divorce was not an option not because love cultivated without the deception of passion proved better than the modern method of "falling in love". Marriages stayed intact because a woman had no identity outside of her marriage or her progeny!
In India, women submit all the time -- throwing themselves into flaming pyres at their husband's funeral because they would be tainted as living ghosts, having no inheritance, no claims to financial security just because they are... a woman. Now that's a clear cut role, isn't it?
If husbands want their wives to submit to them, then men must learn to EARN that respect to be submitted to. Be wise. Be responsible. Be honourable. Show that being submitted to will not lead to the woman's rights being completely obliterated and violated.
Unfortunately, men have this impression that it starts with the woman. Be submissive first, then I will treat you as a jewel.
Well, Christ didn't say "accept me first, then I'll die for you", did he?
Men complain that their female bosses are bitchy. Well, if a man rags at you, he's called assertive. If a woman rags at you, you complain that she's having PMS and is a bitch.
If a man makes off colour jokes, he's just being pals with the boys. If a woman makes an off colour joke, she's loose and has no morals.
If a man makes a mistake, he'll learn from it abd be stronger. If a woman makes a mistake, she's a woman, see, what to do?
Double standards all because people cannot look beyond gender stereotypes.
Men do not make better bosses. Women do not make better bosses. Better bosses make better bosses.
Period.
Hey I agree with Faith.. Better bosses make better bosses. Grr.. overgeneralizations make me wanna come up with studies that will overturn them! Hahhaha...
Anyway, one pastor I know preached this: Paul told wives to submit because it's harder for women to submit than men... Men are lazier!! And women tend to worry more and try to control more. It's challenging but in a way may be better for relationship dynamics. If he has to take charge, then he'll contribute more?? Plus, it's harder for men to love their wives than for wives to love their husbands! Guess his point was that it's not natural, that's why we must be told to do it! Haha... Err, says one with no experience in marriage =)
Anyway, please remember all Christians should be "submitting to one another in the fear of God" - that's the dynamic that overlays the bit about wives submit and husbands love your wives.
That's Ephesians 5:21
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